MILLIE'S MOTHER'S RED DRESS
It hung there in the closet
While she was dying, Mother's red
dress,
Like a gash in the row
Of dark, old clothes
She had worn away her life in.
They had called me home
And I knew when I saw her
She wasn't going to last.
When I saw the dress, I said
"Why, Mother - - how beautiful!
I've never seen it on you."
"I've never worn it," she slowly
said.
"Sit down, Millie - - I'd like to
undo
A lesson or two before I go, if I
can."
I sat by her bed
And she sighed a bigger breath
Then I thought she could hold.
"Now that I'll soon be gone,
I see some things.
Oh, I taught you good - - but I taught
you wrong."
"What do you mean Mother?"
"Well - - I always thought
That a good woman never takes her
turn,
That she's just for doing for somebody
else.
Do here, do there, always keep
Everybody else's wants tended and
make sure
Yours are at the bottom of the heap."
"Maybe someday you'll get to them.
But of course you never do.
My life was like that - - doing for
your dad,
Doing for the boys, for your sisters,
for you."
"You did - - everything a mother
could."
"Oh, Millie, Millie, it was not good
- -
For you - - for him. Don't you see?
I did you the worst of wrongs.
I asked for nothing - - for me!"
"Your father in the other room,
All stirred up and staring at the
walls - -
When the doctor told him, he took
It bad - - came to my bed and all
but shook
The life right out of me. 'You can't
die,
Do you hear? What'll become of me?'
' What'll become of me?'
It'll be hard, all right when I go.
He can't even find the frying pan,
you know."
"And you children - -
I was a free ride for everybody,
everywhere.
I was the first one up and the last
one down
Seven days out of the week.
I always took the toast that got
burned,
And the very smallest piece of pie."
"I look at how some of your brothers
Treat their wives now
And it makes me sick, 'cause it was
me
That taught it to them. And they
learned,
They learned that a woman doesn't
Even exist except to give.
Why, every single penny that I could
save
Went for your clothes, or your books,
Even when it wasn't necessary.
Can't even remember once when I took
Myself downtown to buy something
beautiful - -
For me."
"Except last year when I got that
red dress.
I found I had twenty dollars
That wasn't especially spoke for.
I was on my way to pay extra on the
washer.
But somehow - - I came home with
this big box.
Your father really gave it to me
then.
'Where you going to wear a thing
like that to - -
Some opera or something?'
And he was right, I guess.
I've never, except in the store,
Put on that dress."
"Oh Millie - - I always thought if
you take
Nothing for yourself in this world
You'd have it all in the next - -
somehow
I don't believe that anymore.
I think the Lord wants us to have
something - -
Here - - and now."
"And I'm telling you , Millie, if
some miracle
Could get me off this bed, you could
look
For a different mother, 'cause I
would be one.
Oh, I passed up my turn so long
I would hardly know how to take it.
But I'd learn, Millie.
I would learn!"
It hung there in the closet
While she was dying, Mother's red
dress,
Like a gash in the row
Of dark, old clothes
She had worn away her life in.
Her last words to me were these:
"Do me the honor, Millie,
Of not following in my footsteps.
Promise me that."
I promised.
She caught her breath
Then Mother took her turn
In death.
~Carol Lynn Pearson~
