'Twas the night before Christmas and all
through the kitchen;
I was cooking and baking and moanin and
bitchin.
I've been here for hours, I can't stop to
rest.
This room's a disaster, just look at this
mess!
Tomorrow I've got thirty people to feed.
They expect all the trimmings. Who cares
what I need!
My feet are both blistered, and cramps in
my legs.
The cat just knocked over a bowl full of
eggs.
There's a knock at the door and the telephones
ringing;
Frosting drips on the counter as the microwaves
dinging.
Two pies in the oven, desserts almost done,
My cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.
I've had all I can stand, I can't take anymore;
Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on
the floor.
He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;
Then grins as he chuckles "The eggnog is
ready!"
He looks all around and with total regret,
Says, "What's taking so long....
Aren't you through in here yet??"
As quick as a flash I reach for a knife;
He loses an earlobe; I wanted his life!
He flees from the room in terror and pain
And screams
"HEY, WOMAN, YOU'RE GOING INSANE!!"
Now what was I doing, and what is that smell?
Oh darn it's the pies !!! They're burned
all to hell !!!
I hate to admit when I make a mistake,
But I put them on BROIL instead of on BAKE.
What else can go wrong?? Is there still
more ahead?
If this is good living, I'd rather be dead.
Lord, don't get me wrong, I love holidays;
It just leaves me exhausted, all shaky and
dazed.
But I promise you one thing, If I live till
next year,
You won't find me pulling my hair out in
here.
I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter
And if that doesn't work,
I'LL HAVE IT ALL CATERED !!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE !!!
